The Perils of Living in the Past
Although it is said that nostalgia adds sweetness to memories, the problem is that some people always seem to be living or basking in the glory of their past. And those with bitter memories even become prisoners or keep living in the hell of their past. Their past is always chasing them and they are constantly trying to avoid and more they avoid the more it keeps haunting. Some even leave their homeland, their people etc. but they often don’t know that if mind is still stuck in the past, they are still living there from where they had left.
It is not bad to, sometimes, reminisce about your golden or not so golden days. Reminiscing is recalling memories especially good or nostalgic/wishful memories that can lead to a positive outcome as according to a study if you’re feeling bogged down by negativity, dipping into nostalgic feelings could help alleviate those emotions temporarily. But memories are memories and we must let them stay where they belong: in the past. Our past mainly serves the purpose of teaching as we can learn from our past by reflecting on the past events or situations. In other words, learning from the past means to take the lessons from our mistakes that have been committed, and apply them to our lives today and move on. It is also worth knowing that committing mistakes is not bad or shameful and everyone (including even prophets) makes mistakes as it is believed to be brain’s natural activity and thus an essential part of learning process as one of the Murphy’s laws also explains:
However, as point no. 2 also emphasizes, we must correct our mistake after learning the lesson and not repeat them but try to have better understanding of our current problems or situation in the light of past experiences so that things don’t go from bad to worse. In short, past mainly serves as a rear-view mirror so that we are able to keep moving ahead smoothly. And although rear-view mirror is good for us as it serves a multitude of purposes that help us become a safe/experienced driver (of our life) and also promotes an alert driving experience by allowing us to see behind our vehicle without turning our head to monitor traffic and prepare for any potential dangers, but if we constantly keep looking back, we can’t drive the vehicle or move ahead without the risk of accident.
Thus the problem begins when we cling to memories so tightly that it becomes impossible to move on. Sometimes past keeps haunting even those people who are apparently successful and happy in their present lives but are afraid or ashamed of their past. The only difference being that for the people, who have good memories, past is a false heaven as it helps escape the challenges and torments of present life without making it any better. And for those who have bad or shameful memories (for instance, poverty, hardships, physical or mental abuse in childhood) it becomes hell. However, being ashamed of poverty, in both past or present, is also shameful. Where we find ourselves financially is not a measure of our real worth.
Regardless, be it heaven or hell, living always in the past is never a good option to avoid the challenges of life or to add value to your life. People always judge you in the light of your present circumstances and attitude not on the basis of your past failures or achievements or the glory of your forefathers.
In spite of these truths, most of us linger on to the past is because its a “known” thing! It is familiar and not stranger and thus we feel comfortable with it. Although there are many other reasons, such as, traumatic experiences, fear that it will happen again, or shame that it ever did, however the main reason is that past (good or bad) has already happened and we need not fear or to do anything about it.
Moreover, as has been mentioned, living in the past provides an escape from the life that we don’t like to live but are forced to live. Past shines in the dark of utterly disappointing and distressing present.
Thus because to accept and/or change your present circumstances and planning for the future and make progress in life requires vision as well as efforts, most people who don’t have any vision nor courage to change their lot, find it easy to keep basking in the glory of past.
On the contrary, hiding or negating your past is also of no use. If you did commit some shameful mistakes or there are other unwanted memories, the best way out is to forgive and forget. Forgive yourself and/or others, forget the happening but remember the lesson and improve yourself. As they say past is the lesson and not the prison. So learning the lesson and moving on is the best strategy.
Thus it is up to us whether we make your past mistakes our strength or our weakness. If we are using healthy judgment to guide our choices, then past regrets, mistakes, and pain are used as markers for what we do not want or actually want in our lives. It is not that people can’t bring visible and meaningful changes in their lives, but as change is painful they avoid it not knowing that staying stuck is even more painful as well as destructive.
According to psychologists, feeling unable to let go of the past can lead to clinical depression, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), or even suicide. Moreover, it can also lead to stress, anxiety, depression, insomnia, obesity, and anorexia. And most of all, it makes you unimaginative and you are not able to stay productive or creative as there is no vision for the future and as is said, a person without a vision is a person without a future or sense of direction. Such a person will always return to the past. And that person will ultimately keep moving in circles without any meaningful progress in life.
Here is a wonderful story for further insights:
Once there was a beautiful sparrow, a free bird. She floated in the sky, catching midges for lunch, swam in the summer rain trickles, and like other birds enjoyed moving and flying without any care in the world.
But she had a habit: every time some remarkable or unexpected event occurred in her life, whether good or bad, the bird would pick up a stone from the ground and thus had collected lot of stones. After sometimes she also started sorting out collected stones and laughed remembering joyful events, and cried remembering the bad or sad ones.
As the bird always took the stones with her, whether she was flying in the sky or walking on the earth, she never forgot about them. The years passed, and free bird had collected so much stones that their increasingly unbearable weight was making it harder to fly. But she still kept collecting and sorting them out, remembering the past. And, as it was becoming harder and harder to fly with each passing day, the bird was ultimately unable to fly or even move on earth.
Thus the bird, that was a free soul some time ago, could not even walk on the earth. Consequently She could not catch midges anymore; only sun and rain were her last refuge that provided some energy for survival. However, in spite of all the hardships, guarding her precious memories (that were now stones) remained the number one priority.
At last, a time came when bird died of the starvation and thirst. And only a pitiful bunch of worthless stones were her only legacy.
Conclusion:
For a peaceful as well as productive and creative life one must have to learn the art of letting go off. It requires practice to letting go of whatever you’re holding onto that’s causing you anxiety, frustration or delusion.
There are plenty of ways to let out your emotions and thoughts. Talk to a close and reliable friend, your therapist, or start writing in your journal or just think and feel the pain and emotions, acknowledge them and let go. However, after writing your memories, don’t forget to tear off the paper and throw it in the dustbin.
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References:
i) https://psychcentral.com/lib/healing-from-the-past-and-living-in-your-present#1
ii) https://motivationandlove.com/a-man-without-vision-quotes
